


Your Witticisms Are Unappreciated

by Wearysea



Series: Loving Deceit Hours [4]
Category: Sanders Sides (Web Series)
Genre: Author Is Sleep Deprived, Crofter's Organic Spread (Sanders Sides), Fluff and Angst, Hiccups, Loving Deceit Hours, M/M, Self-Esteem Issues, Sympathetic Deceit Sanders
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-10-28
Updated: 2019-10-28
Packaged: 2021-01-02 02:27:15
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,331
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21154058
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Wearysea/pseuds/Wearysea
Summary: Logan gets the hiccups and becomes frustrated with everyone’s teasing; mistakes are a sore spot for him after all.





	Your Witticisms Are Unappreciated

**Author's Note:**

> Loving Deceit Hours - Logan

Logan becomes painfully aware of the hiccups as he finishes the bowl of grapes. Logan immediately knows what has caused them. He has eaten too quickly and swallowed air along with the grapes. He has made a mistake. <strike>His cheeks burn in embarrassment.</strike>

It’s fine.

Logan remembers all the information he can about the hiccups. A hiccup is a sudden, involuntary contraction of the diaphragm muscle, when the muscle contracts, the vocal cords snap shut, producing the hiccup sound. Home remedies or ways to get rid of the hiccups include: Holding your breath, drinking a glass of water quickly, pulling hard of your tongue, biting on a lemon, gargling with water, breathing smelling salts.

Good, he has an action plan. Logan decides on trying to hold his breath first. He knows exactly how to do it. He places his head on the ground, so that his body was an inverted ‘V’ and holds his breath for 10 seconds. Exhale as fully as possible and hold it out as long as possible.

It doesn’t work, he’s hiccupping again within 10 seconds of standing back up. He repeats this twice more and reaches the same degree of success. This is fine, he has multiple other things to try out. He decides to do the only other thing on the list that does not require additional items. Pulling on his tongue. Hard.

Logan does not hesitate, and it does not work. He tries again, five more times. Once he has concluded that it isn’t going to work, his tongue is sore, and he is slightly frustrated. Never mind, there are 4 more things left to try.

Logan exits his room, and on his way to the kitchen when he notices giggling behind him. He does not react, just keeps walking to his destination. The giggling continues and follows behind. He is not irritated.

“Oh, come on, Logan, those noises are adorable!”

“They are not, Patton.” Logan was not adorable, nothing he did was adorable, he was a serious side. Fuck, Patton’s sunny nature was just rubbing him the wrong way today. The hiccups needed to stop. He was losing face here.

Patton doesn’t follow him to the kitchen, he’s busy right now, so Logan is left alone after a couple of puns – “Are you going to get a hiccup of water?” – and Logan gets his glass of water. Roman enters at the exact moment where, as Logan hiccups while he is chugging the water, causing him to choke and splutter, and he promptly bursts into laughter. The full belly kind that leaves tears at the corner of your eyes, only getting louder as Logan continues to hiccup. The sight of a wet Logan provides too much humour for Roman; he doesn’t say a single thing as he stumbles right back out of the kitchen.

Logan isn’t sure whether it would have been better or worse if he had.

He is dry in an instant regardless, and he is NOT going to try that again. So he moves onto gargling water. Virgil, thankfully, does not laugh at the gargling Logan or the still very audible hiccups, but he does smirk. Logan is already rapidly encroaching on incredibly stressed, so the little gesture has around the same effect as setting Logan’s nerve endings on fire.

He needed to calm down, a break was in order, so Logan went and decided to do the most relaxing thing he could think of. Making a sandwich. Speaking of sandwiches: He very much did have a moment to talk about his Lord and Saviour, Crofter’s Organic Spread.

The sandwich is good, as always, he responds to Virgil complaining about Roman’s latest prank in their current war (Prank War No. 17, Logan believed) with a smirk of his own and tells Virgil to “give him hell” after consulting his vocab cards. He’d like to see Roman get laughed at for once. Virgil had only come in to grab something from the fridge before getting back to <strike>pranking the FRICK out of Roman</strike> his duties.

He has two more methods to try, and he knows biting into a lemon will be unpleasant, but it’s the only other method that involved being in the kitchen and he wanted to get it over with quickly. The one thing that no one could conjure in the mindscape on their own was food, everyone had to use the fridge, freezer and cupboards to eat, and no one was really sure why. They just knew what they wanted was in there when they went to get it.

Logan grabbed the bag of lemons out of the cupboard, pauses thoughtfully, then takes one out and starts peeling it like you’d peel an orange. He’d never seen a peeled lemon before, and even though it just looked like a different coloured orange Logan found that it looked quite strange to him.

The sour taste was more overwhelming than he expected it to be, and he chokes a little on this too. He realises vaguely that he doesn’t know if he’s meant to actually eat the lemon or not.

“Why aren’t you biting into a… peeled lemon?”

There is no humour in Deceit’s voice or face, simply confusion and curiosity, even as he hears the continued hiccups. This settles Logan’s non-existent nerves,

“This is a recommended method to cure hiccups, despite not working in this instance.”

“Ah.” Logan felt uncertainty nag at the back of his mind, Deceit was being uncharacteristically serious, “so it isn’t one of those ‘I may as well try it’ type things.”

“Yes.”

“I don’t assume you’ve already tried a list of other things?”

“Of course, I always have a plan, even if previous attempts fell through.”

“Not okay… so, what don’t you have left on your list?”

“Smelling salts.”

“Oh, I don’t have any of those,” the mention of one of Deceit’s favourite comfort things perks him right up, he also enjoys scented candles and soaps. “Wouldn’t you like to borrow some?”

Logan straightened his tie and pushed his glasses back from where they’d fallen down the bridge of his nose, “That would be… helpful.” Conjuring things did take energy, and the non-creativity-based sides didn’t have as much for physical objects. They just didn’t need it, usually.

He may only be on lukewarm terms with Logan at this point, but he’d much prefer to lend a helping hand or six than leave Logan to sort himself out on his own.

It might be strange to the casual observer, due to his rather catty nature, that he would help the others with their problems purely out of goodwill.

As “Main Mean Girl-ish” as he can be, he doesn’t tend to rub salt into a wound for no reason, and Deceit can read Logan’s carefully hidden demeanour far more clearly than anyone else, being the embodiment of deceitfulness.

Logan’s upset, and Deceit, well, he has no real interest in harming anyone physically or emotionally, just teaching a wayward lesson or two. That’s his nature. As Self-Preservation he only wants what’s best for Thomas, after all, and anything like that would negatively affect him in a way that benefits no one.

There’s also the fact that Logan’s hands are trembling, easy to miss if you’re unobservant. Deceit is certain that Logan himself hasn’t even noticed. It’s not often he becomes so visibly out of sorts, and no one else seems to have noticed anything. Deceit likely would have walked right passed, preferring to avoid socialising with the “main” sides for the majority of the time, if he hadn’t heard the consistent ‘**I’m Fine**’s’ radiating from Logan. Lies, of course.

Hmm, maybe this is all just a long winded way of saying ‘he felt bad for him’, but clear and concise was never Deceit’s forte, he just hopes to get his point across without too many questions. Luckily for him, Logan doesn’t ask, and doesn’t object when he’s brought to Deceit’s room.

Deceit suppressed a grin at the crunching many-coloured leaves under his feet, no matter the situation he couldn’t get enough of his autumn aesthetic, but he internally admitted that an outward show of it would be a little inappropriate right now.

His room truly did make him feel happy, though. Perhaps that’s why he decided to bring Logan in, instead of bringing the salts out.

Speaking of smelling salts, Logan had decided he needed to stop being so emotional. He knew he needed to exercise his function, so he tried to remember everything he knew about them. Smelling salts, also known as ammonia inhalants, spirit of hartshorn or sal volatile, are chemical compounds with the most common use being to induce consciousness in people who’ve fainted.

The usual active compound is ammonium carbonate—a colourless-to-white, crystalline solid ((NH4)2CO3). Because most modern solutions are mixed with water, they should properly be called "aromatic spirits of ammonia". Modern solutions may also contain other products to perfume or act in conjunction with the ammonia, such as lavender oil or eucalyptus oil.

Smelling salts release ammonia (NH3) gas, which triggers an inhalation reflex (that is, causes the muscles that control breathing to work faster) by irritating the mucous membranes of the nose and lungs. This is why it works with the hiccups, since hiccups are diaphragm spasms and the diaphragm is used in breathing (inhaling and exhaling), anything that affects your breathing will be suitable in counteracting it's spasms.

That was highly suitable in restoring Logic to his usual calm. Everything was as it should be, bar hiccups, and hopefully the smelling salts will finalise the process.

Currently, he watched Deceit rooting through a chest of draws, Logan noticed faded yellow paint peeling at the edges, and it made his fingers itch. With a comically loud “AHA!” Deceit pulls out two bottles of marked Lavender and Eucalyptus, turned to Logan and asked, “Which one wouldn’t you like to use?”

“I would prefer Eucalyptus,” then hastily added “thank you, for offering.” Logan didn’t know WHY he was offering, but he wasn’t going to look a gift-horse in the mouth. What? He knew some sayings… after studying with his vocab cards.

“It’s so much trouble, falsely.” Deceit looks relieved as he turns back around to hand Logan the Eucalyptus Smelling Salts, seeing that he was no longer visibly upset.

Logan, on the other hand, was experiencing something akin to euphoria, an expectant parent holding their child for the first time, eating a spoonful of Crofter’s. The hiccups that had been occurring every 10 seconds had ceased for the last 30. 31. 32. 33. 34. 35. 36. 37. 38. 39. 40. 41. 42. 43. 44. 45.

Logan gives Deceit a big smile. He knows logically that Deceit hears lies loud and clear and he knows logically that his person is far more than just his function, however the idea of admitting to anyone that he was anything but logical over something so perfectly minor, not being able to stop himself to any degree… he appreciated that Deceit didn’t pry. He simply was not equipped to speak about it at this point in time.

He appreciated Deceit in general. He utilised his function quite often when it came to personal matters, even through the times they were at odds with each other. They still weren’t close now, Logan doesn’t need to socialise <strike>Logan couldn’t be social if he tried</strike>, but they were amicable enough… Was it enough?

A sudden need to continue a conversation overcame him. Currently, Deceit was reorganising the contents of his draws that he’d moved around while trying to find where he’d placed the smelling salts, he’d moved many things and his draws in the dreamscape were almost endless, truth be told Deceit was a little forgetful. Logan watched for a few moments as he put his things back in their rightful places, then began examining the room for something he could use, and his eyes fell right on a bookshelf. Excellent. Right up Logan’s alley.

“Deceit, may I take a look at the books you have?”

“No, I mind.”

Logan, in his characteristically calm mad scramble to find a topic, he picks up the first one he sees. _Platonic Love: Plato’s View on Relationships._ ‘Platonic love is a type of love or relationship, or close relationship, that is non-romantic.’ Logan’s mind provides helpfully. This is not a subject he knows well, in fact, he has great difficulty understanding the subject. Perhaps he would benefit from this choice.

The only ‘cracking open a cold one with the boys’ he would be engaging in would be this book, for the foreseeable future.

The book seemed to be an analysis of Plato’s dialogue, The Symposium, which covered his thoughts on love, or Eros generally. Logan particularly found the analysis of what Plato called Vulgar Eros, sexual attraction, and Divine Eros, moving on from sexual attraction to loving an individual soul. Logan found it interesting that Plato specifically based these two ends of a spectrum in feeling sexual attraction, he wondered how Plato would account for asexual’s with romantic attractions on the aromantic or alloromantic spectrum if he knew about them at the time. Watch out Princey, Logic’s coming for your job.

He looks up to ask Deceit what he thought about it, when all thoughts fly out the window. Deceit is flushed on one half of his face, looking right at him. The reason is completely unknown, and it blindsides Logan to a ridiculous degree. He definitely isn’t at a loss for words right now.

He definitely isn’t thinking about how pretty Deceit is while blushing.

He definitely isn’t thinking about how pretty Deceit’s scales are.

He’s definitely not thinking about how much he wants to find out what kissing feels like.

He’s definitely not realising he’s been in Deceit’s room too long, and he cares about it when Deceit has rushed forward gripped his tie and pulled Logan’s face to meet his own.

They can talk about the book later.

**Author's Note:**

> Logan gets farther with Deceit far quicker than all the other sides bar Remus, who knew he had it in him.  
(Also, this is about 1000 words longer than I meant it to be. How. How did this happen. lol, enjoy.)


End file.
